he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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