Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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