So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
