Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So much rum. So many feels.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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