Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry my hands just texted you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
