Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
