i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
40s are totally the cure
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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