shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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