I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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