Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
