My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can text with my tongue
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
