Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
