Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
