It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
