Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
