MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
