I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
