and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
