We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
