Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
