I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm too high and old for this...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
