i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize