Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
