I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
