You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
