i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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