just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
