Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
