i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
