Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
