You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
