My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
