He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my phone needs a breathalizer
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
