why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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