I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
