brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
