No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize