So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
