I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
