So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
