Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How naked do you want me to be?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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