So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
