oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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