can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
