It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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