Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
