I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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