It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize