i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
