I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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