He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
