**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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