We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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