So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
