did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
