He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
and you fell through a lawn chair
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
