im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My balls are so social today.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
