he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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