I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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