There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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