fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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