I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
