wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
