Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
