fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
