it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
